Second time round

After being home for a few days and feeling like iv'e left everything in Bolivia like my heart, my soul and my spirit it's like its just my body here and it's a weird feeling. Iv'e had a lot of time to think about my time in Bolivia for the second time and how much different it was then last time. It's hard to describe three months in a few words especially when one asks "How was your trip" I always reply with it was amazing or something like that, because it was. The only thing is there was so many other emotions too. There was times I was frustrated and thinking to myself I'm never having my own kids, which changed pretty fast though. There were other times I just cried myself to sleep because I was tired, upset and sometimes just cried because I knew they were hurting. I remember my last night in Bolivia I ended up coming home a little later then I meant and the girls had already gone to bed, which killed me inside because I wanted to put them to bed one last time so bad, especially Belinda. I had put her to bed so many times I knew my last time was going to be special and I missed it! The Tia that was working that night told me that she was looking out the window waiting for me to come home and thought that maybe I had left for Canada already. The Tia of course told her that, that wasn't true because all my stuff was still there. When I heard that thats what happened I was so upset with myself for not being home in time and ended up crying myself to sleep, luckily Linnea was there too, and comforted me. She mentioned so many times while I was putting her to bed that she wanted me to adopt her, and I told her it was all God's decisions and that I have to wait and see what he says. My greatest dream of course is to adopt her and her sister, so if it's in God's will it'll happen. Of course there so many times I smiled to myself and realized why I love these girls so much. like the times I would wake up to three girls snuggled up in my bed, or all seven would be hiding under the blankets on my bed from the Tia. Or even the time I was sick and Belinda popped her head in like what seemed like every five minutes to whisper to me how much she loves me. These are the moments that make my heart happy when I realize how much hurt they have from being an orphan and so much rejection but I can offer God's love and they realize they're treasured by their father in heaven! These are his orphans and he's using us to take care of his precious orphans but they're completely in his hands which comforts me.

One of the big things that stuck out to me this time was that I was able to just be with them and live life with them instead of thinking I had to constantly show my worth. I knew who I was this time and the Lord has shown me so much of his confidence that I was able to really invest into these girls' life. I loved laughing, singing and dancing like a fool every minute of the day. They are so full of life, and The Lord sees it. One of the girls is blind and she has the most crazy laugh! she's just so full of life and it was just a joy getting to know her sweet little heart. She always had so many questions but I loved answering them even if they were repeated! It kills me to think that most of them will never have a forever family or a place to call home, but I have to keep reminding myself that the lord is taking care of them. If it were easy enough I would take them all home. unfortunately thats a bit unrealistic.

Bolivia, I love your culture, your warm hearted people, your precious and beautiful children, your sunshine and mountains and most of all your love.
Until the hopefully soon next time!

Johanna